Volume 8 , Issue 45

Funny Vocabulary Spin

"Seems like these were credited to George Carlin when I saw them first." -- Roy

VOCABULARY SPIN G-Rated: For those who love the philosophy of hypocrisy and ambiguity.

• 1. Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.
• 2. One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.
• 3. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
• 4. If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?
• 5. The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.
• 6. I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the self-help section?" She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.
• 7. What if there were no hypothetical questions?
• 8. If a deaf person swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?
• 9. If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?
• 10. Is there another word for synonym?
• 11. Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all?"
• 12. What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?
• 13. If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?
• 14. Would a fly without wings be called a walk?
• 15. Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?
• 16. If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless, or naked?
• 17. Can vegetarians eat animal crackers?
• 18. If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to start speaking?
• 19. Why do they put Braille on the drive-through bank machines?
• 20. How do they get deer to cross the road only at those yellow road signs?
• 21. What was the best thing before sliced bread?
• 22. One nice thing about egotists: they don't talk about other people.
• 23. Does the Little Mermaid wear an algebra?
• 24. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
• 25. How is it possible to have a civil war?
• 26. If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest drown, too?
• 27. If you ate both pasta and antipasto, would you still be hungry?
• 28. If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
• 29. Whose cruel idea was it for the word "Lisp" to have "S" in it?
• 30. Why are hemorrhoids called "hemorrhoids", instead of "assteroids"?
• 31. Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot at them?
• 32. Why is there an expiration date on sour cream?
• 33. If you spin an oriental man in a circle three times does he become disoriented

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